Vanity Fair...

Love me or Hate me, I'm still on your mind..
xoxo

Be yet wiser, SWOT analysis & scary clown(aka badut)...

Did I mentioned to you that I'm vain? I guess, I have established that at the very beginning, and its pretty obvious if you happened to be cruising at thevainsociety. Anyway, that is not just the flaw in me, in fact, if I would list all down, it should go on and on. With that said, just suddenly, it come to my mind the concept of SWOT analysis. Well, it is imperial for an organisation to conduct SWOT analysis, perhaps it might come in handy if we conduct a SWOT analysis on ourselves, just to be realistic to know where we currently placed ourselves?

I had this conversation with Marcella (she's from Rio de Jeneiro by the way) towards the end of this semester, after we have submitted our marketing assignment (BarclayCard- micro and macro environment; i know, its a bit boring). Being a matured student, such as ourselves, we tend to be overly critical of things, the fact that we have handed in the work didn't quite put our mind at ease, in fact we worries about other things. So, as Marcella and I were having tea ( God, I'm becoming more English aka boring!!) we started having this conversation about what we want to do with our lives and what could we do instead (classic example of level 3 insecurity, mind you, it comes with increasing age).

I did most of the listening (who said i don't listen??) which allows me to absorb most of the information and think thoroughly for a wise feedback (I know, I surprised myself too). It gives a sense of relief in a way, to know that I am not the only one having this constant dilemma, academic and career wise. Which evidently conclude that it is in fact a norm to have a self doubt on the things that we do. Is it a wise decision? Is there regret? I believe now, it is a part of the phase we went through in the path we have chosen. After that long deliberation on our inner insecurities, Marcella was being rather creative by suggesting on conducting a SWOT analysis on ourselves (we tend to relate the theory we were taught to the real world aka day-to-day life, perhaps age does helped us becoming wiser?). By listing our personal strength and weaknesses, presumably, it gives a strong indication on our opportunities and threats. Maybe it is a great idea after all, to conduct our very own SWOT analysis, at least just to go along with this hyper-active insecure mind.

And so, that is exactly what I did, after viewing my personal attributes, I started to look around me, as in the people that I know, or at least i thought I know. There are a few people which amazed me, the qualities and sensibility they possessed, make me envy them ( well, even though it is one of the 7 deadly sin, it could be manipulated for a good cause, i reckon). Perhaps, I should promote those quality in me and see if it actually would do me any good.
On the other hand, there are people that make me realize when I get to the same level or age as they are, I don't want to be like them. Funny how people behavior and attitude could really scared me. It is scary to see what rejection and loneliness could do to some people. By loneliness I don't mean being physically alone, as "this character" I have been observing get himself busy with social gathering, nightlife and so-called dating life. All the rapid ritual of new found life actually unleashed the true inner self. Of course, "that character" becoming more vocal, exposing 'I am surrounded by lots of people', 'we are the happening nocturnal crowd', exposing people admiration and the whole world should know that I'm desired; somehow or rather, what it actually reflect to me is, "that character" are lonely and empty inside. Being the bitch (if that is the vocabulary to insult me, my advice is save yourself from further embarassment) that expected of me, I did metaphorically tells "the character" how sad that is. But that only further the delusional aspect of age immaturely, even a sharp observer such as myself was deceived at first by that made out charisma. Its like watching a clown putting on a show, a scary one that is. And what does a clown, crying inside do to overcome the loneliness? Surrounded himself with more clowns.

Which conclude this post, I am not going to humiliate myself by turning into a sad clown, just because I feel like I'm dying inside, especially when I grew older. To "that character", thank you for putting that sadistic show, I learn from observing that. Life is scary, people taught us scary truth, and I'm not going to blend among scary clowns. Period!

P/S: I've always hated clown, ever since I read that Stephen King, IT
XOXO

Spot of bother!

Yey! its gone, well, at least for now, don't have to worry about the exams or stressing myself over the modules. didn't know i did pretty well to be exempted the whole year, maybe i have been rather nice this semester? well,at least nice to my standards. hmmm, i realized now, i'm on holidays! woohoo! do i missed KL? yes. do i want to go back, erkk, NO, at least not for now. i guess its social planning for the holidays. maybe i should get some(more) winter clothing, the one that i have are rather binding, its hard to mix n match (my vain part getting along well,oh yea). i think i'll do that, i must have a theme for this holidays. i'm thinking black...gold..blood red! Ohh, i wanna call 'fucking criminal', i'm imagining scruffy meet edgy. ok, project time! right bitches and SOBes, take care now, oh, and i like that new hairdo, its minimalist in a j'adore kind of presentation. laterz crazy beautiful!
xoxo
*this post are intentionally composed to sound stupid and pointless.. what?? i can be stupid at times you see, and i'm good at being one! and i just would like to add, Britney looses her mind, thinking of everyone want a piece of her? yea, lets see her transition to a delirious clown*

World, hold on...

i'm tired of being vain sometimes, its rather time consuming...
but i can't disregard the essence of it in my existence, that would be self loathing, and i am seriously involved with myself, more than anyone i've crossed path. sooner or later people will realize, that selfless act lead to selfishness. justify this though, is it considered socially crude to ignore those who are supposedly dearly, the moment reality in front of me ignites inner devotion to put them aside and focus on the jolt i'm feeling at the moment? it is after all, promising me that desirable future, where and what i want to be. those who truly set me free, answering to that calling, i'll held you close in my heart, no matter how fast or distance i am. sadly, those who grudgingly poise the execution of my chosen departing, warily defuse my steady momentum, and i have a schedule to run, and this time around, i refuse to make that journey longer, and everytime it bothers, i have to double my speed, and mind you, i could be running out of energy. so, let me free, and let me stay vain, let me have what i want, and i'll be complete when i'm back again. don't make me remind you, it was the world that i was released into, make me the way i am, i'm done with the adjusting period and mopping around with the unjust, i'm moving forward, so, if none of you are with me, i have to rely on God, even though God most likely have slightest favor in a discord person such as myself, but i still have faith. no more blast from the past episode...